When I watched A Charlie Brown Christmas this year I think I finally understood Charlie Brown for the first time. I have always been a very chipper chippy at Christmas. Ideals of cooking smells, Christmas Lights, decorating the tree, and listening to Christmas Music. The past few years I have felt that my Christmas Spirit was slowly slipping away. This year it had almost completely gone. Dealing with my dear warfighter with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and all the little ways it throws wrenches in the works and five children determined to wreck every in of my house caused me to hit a real low point. I wanted to cry all the time because I knew Christmas was coming and with that the added pressure of meeting the perfect expectations of myself, my friends, and my family. I knew I could not meet those expectations.
Our warfighters have different reason for dreading the holidays. They have the memories of people who are not longer with us, who they feel should be there to spend time with friends and family. They do not look forward to the family gatherings with all the loud noises and over stimulation. The expectations of a perfect Christmas weigh just as heavily on them.
Caregivers and warfighters alike pull it together as much as we can, year after year, for the sake of those around us. In the end, though, we are still modern day Charlie Browns and there are many of us quietly suffering in crowds of people. So how do we get through? I personally start with finding someone to talk with about my feelings. Then after allowing myself a good cry to let out all that pent up anxiety I begin to plan how to make it better. Lastly, I focus on the positive in my life no matter how little. Fortunately for me I have five children to help me focus outside of my own pain.
The holidays aren't going to be easy, but there are ways to avoid our inner Charlie Brown. It takes the type of focus, commitment, and will to survive and thrive that is unique to warfighters and their families. My husband and I used our strength to focus on our children and so far we have had a pretty delightful and happy Christmas. It is this happiness that I wish for each of you.
Merry Christmas!
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